As successful and well accomplished female professionals, business women and female entrepreneurs in our chosen endeavours, we often come across as self-assured, hard and uber confident. We are often seen as formidable opponents in and out of the board rooms, in business and as fierce negotiators. However, often times when the transition from married couple to single woman sets in we may find suddenly, that our self-esteem is completely gone. Battered self-esteem and reduced self-confidence affects every area of our lives and if not dealt with quite speedily, can be quite fatal. It therefore is quite crucial that as soon as we are able to, we learn how to rebuild our self-esteem. This is one of the keys to moving on successfully after the trauma of a long-term relationship breakdown or divorce and reconnecting with our feminine power.
To move on successfully, means that you have finally come to terms with not being married to your spouse anymore. It means the process of rediscovery and reinvention to a better YOU has begun. No matter how devastating your divorce or relationship breakdown was, you need to learn on how to focus and reflect on the positive and learn how to appreciate what you have got and learnt as a result of your experience. You will feel a lot better about your life when you learn how to think positively, making your life count everywhere that you go and allowing your past to lose you and let you go into that land of new beginnings flowing with milk and honey.
You should never beat yourself up. Easier said than done, I should know. For years I felt I was a failure by not being able to save my marriage but being somehow able to successfully negotiate cost savings of over half a million pounds for the company I worked for.
If you are like me, I am here to tell you… the failed marriage – It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault, you may have just had a bad marriage. One thing is for certain, though, it’s near enough impossible to determine how a marriage will turn out until a good while after “I do”. How many women go into a marriage with failure in mind? High achievers especially play to win and that includes marriage too.
The past has gone, so dwelling on it is doing you, your health or anything connected with you, which could be your children, any good. STOP! That thought right in its tracks, don’t think about what could have been, because quite frankly in today’s terms it didn’t happen. Try and replace any limiting beliefs, thoughts of regret and self-doubt by reflecting upon and stating all that you like about yourself. Keep telling yourself that you’re okay and everything will be alright. It will feel strange at first but the more you do this, the more it becomes your reality.
A good and proven practices which works for me is to learn how to use positive empowering words to describe the essence of YOU. Often referred to as words of affirmation. Words like, unstoppable, influential, irrepressible, intelligent, beautiful, ambitious, and so on.
I won’t pretend it is easy because it is not. You have to make the conscious decision to encourage yourself daily. Discouragement will set in and your negative self talk will tell you that YOU HAVE NOTHING GOING FOR YOU and NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN.
Remember, the image you have of yourself as a result of your divorce will affect your life immensely, you have to readjust your mindset so that every time discouragement sets in, you are able to counter it by encouraging yourself in the Lord, just like David did, if you are a woman of faith or by whatever belief system works for you.
Release that which no longer supports your life and you will experience New Beginnings on the horizon filled with boundless and amazing opportunities to live a transformed life, reignited with focus, passion and impact.
Your future is so bright and so orange, make it count.